MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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