I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I don't think brook has ever known best
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
