It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
