that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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