Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Drake has all the answers
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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