I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
