he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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