Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
