so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
