I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I don't deserve a penis
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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