youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
