dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I just want nice things and good sex
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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