A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
