Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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