You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Alive.
So much puke
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
