We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
