...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Randomize
