so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
