she sounds like chewbacca in bed
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
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my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
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I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
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