i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
