my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
