I don't usually arrange sex via text message
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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