thus making me awesome and them whores
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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