You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
