My boss' voice literally gives me gas
They should really pass out barf bags in church
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
