It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
