I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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