Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
