There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
