Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
