there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
