woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be