Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.