I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.