I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
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officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
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Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
my poor anus
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping