One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.