I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?