Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
