Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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