What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
