I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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