He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
