Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
