what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
