you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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