OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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