I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
