just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
