i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
