Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
