Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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