I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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