I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
