...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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