Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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