don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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