I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i came on her dog
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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