Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Someone shattered a urinal.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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