Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
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Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
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Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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