Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
