NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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