Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
