i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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