wat bout pragnant strippers??
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize